quick! before they see us! hide the jam!

( So, wow. This is a lot of fic. )

1. Pornsultant Bob is on Doctor Who Season 2:

Pornsultant Bob: K9 is really cute.
Amand-r: Oh Jesus. K-9. I read a Jack/K-9 somewhere.
Pornsultant Bob: That just seems unnecessary. Robotic Bestiality... Not my cup of tea.
Amand-r: Not when it's Jack. It's like it HAS TO BE DONE BECAUSE IT'S THERE.
Pornsultant Bob: Only for Organic Life. Kinda.
Amand-r: INTERSPECIES...ROBOTICA?
Pornsultant Bob: If Robotica is a legitimate form of porn, than so is an inflatable girlfriend.
Amand-r: YOU MEAN THEY AREN'T?
Pornsultant Bob: Not really.
Amand-r: Next you'll be telling me that there's no such thing as the donkey show.

2. Yesterday, misswinterhill said that I was squee anthropomorphised, so feel free to think of me as that.

3. Thanks for the nice words yesterday, mah peepes (I spelled that Samuel Pepys style—YE OLD PEEPES.)

4. So last night sthayashi, the delectable E, and another friend, we'll call him Clyde, came over for dinner and drinking. Clyde is not with our mad drinking skills, as you can see on the POST IT NOTE:



( But around beer three, the swords came out. )

5. I watched the Dead Like Me movie Friday night. I really really liked it. I mist be the only one. Thoughts later.

6. I have to get my fingers to work this morning. Right now they feel like they're made out of gummi worms. Fuck.

My LJ is filled with funny, and incoherence and fic. I am good with that. But I can be a serious person.

Well, maybe not.

Oh, well, anyway, this is a serious post, and it's sad and funny and pretty much about my husband, and if you hate sap and romance and sad, then you shouldn't click. (It's long)

I don't know if you people read my user info, so I just decided to write something about Tianyu, because I am a woman in love, and in some ways that is bad. For me. He doesn't care. And I don't tell this shit to my family because…I don't know. I like to tell this shit at my own pace, and when I'm not in the mood to talk about it, then I'm not in the mood to talk about it. But I'm in the mood, so here we all are.

This is tianyu:



Sexy, no? A little gay. Yeah. His LJ is available, and you can read it if you want. I do. Often. I find reading the LJs of people I know to be dead a sort of cold comfort.

( It goes like this DVD style— )

Comments disabled on purpose.

1. The kidlet and I have blown so many bubbles on the front porch that when it rains, there's lather.

2. Really, look at this—PEOPLE I HAVE REENACTED THE DEATH SCENE WITH: lionessblack, cruentum (AND I GOT TO BE IANTO), smirnoffmule, pogrebin, mrsalemp. Have I missed anyone? GET IN LINE. I WILL NOT BE SATISFIED UNTIL I HAVE CRIED OVER ALL OF YOU.

3. ( Oh hai there six-thirty ack emma. )

4. Thisis what happens when jedi apprentices drink unattended. (h/t amonitrate)

5. I got a postcard yesterday made of SHEEP POO PAPER. On the back, it read as follows: "JANET! I KNOW U CAN'T READ, LOL. THIS IS SOMETHING SPECIAL SMELL IT LOL. I WIN. HART PS: YOU KNOW I LET YOU OUT! I STILL WIN!"

Yes, it is official: paragraphs and cruentum are made of pure 100% win. Dry clean only, bitches. Do not steam.

6. Yesterday I made the kid her first cup of coffee. Before you go screaming, it was café au lait with sugar. Think Café du Monde. And she drank it with a Ho-Ho. You can scream about that part.

7. It's nice to see that I'm not the only one who thinks LIKE A BOSS IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVAR.

8. lionessvalenti, AKA SEXY MAMA and I have signed on for the TW BIG BANG. WE WILL TOTALLY ROCK YOUR SOCKS OFF once we deal with a huge plot issue that we might need outside help with.

8. ( THIS IS MY LOVE LETTER TO THE CIRCUS. (Image/vid heavy.) )

I…I liked the circus.

1. ( True Blood, S2 Ep4, blacked out spoilers )

2. Mum is off at Azkatraz, and I am sorry that I am not there with you guys. I have other fish to fry, apparently, like this tilapia in SPICY PEANUT SAUCE. Okay, so I'm a little bummed that I'm not going, but really, I couldn't. With going to DC next weekend, then the CoE party hopefully later in the summer (PLEASE PEOPLE. I WILL BRING BEER), I cannot shove Herself off on anyone more than that. And then in October I go to the UK. And I need to start planning that soon, because seriously people, other than Hub 3, I don't have any destinations in mind, let alone reservations. WHEREVER SHALL I GO? WHATEVER SHALL I DO?

Don't tell me that I am going to fondle smirnoffmule. ::eyeroll:: That is a given. Unless s/he doesn't want me to. But s/he will. I will have two katanas and a crush on Bea Arthur. OH AND ALSO, I KNOW HOW TO GET AROUND COCKBLOCKING BEANS (not to be confused with block-rocking beats). THE SECRET IS TO GO ONTO THE OTHER ROOM.

I smell hostels in my future. SHIT.

3. Lionessblack: Is that what grownups do? Get boywhores?
Amand-r: I guess. I wouldn't know.
Lionessblack: I know very little about being a grownup.
Amand-r: I am apparently incapable of getting laid. I have a whole FLIST FULL OF PEOPLE WHO OFFER BECAUSE THEY ARE ON OTHER CONTINENTS.

4. The following was overheard at Chinghaus: "He's like…the Alton Brown of Skinemax."

5. Have you ever put on a red shirt and olive pants, and then had to change your clothes because you think you look too much like Christmas?

6. Is anyone watching Weeds, S5? Because UGH, AND YAY! AND AAAAAH.

7. Tonight I take kidlet to the circus: Murder Under the Big Top!

I AM EATING MY LEFTOVER TORCHWOOD SKITTLES.

So lawsontl wrote Archer Road Bridge And this only makes sense if you've read it. Well, no, not even if you have. But you should all go read it anyway.

HOT JACK GUN SEX GUH. (Actually, the gun and the sex are separate, but the very act of cleaning a gun is pron to me, and LAW SON TULL knows that, which is why she tortures me. Slowly…more….dulcement.)

She asked me for post it art about Jack and his super sperm.

( How can I say no to drawing that? )

This is the first official time I have ever drawn something for another fan work that wasn't mine. Lo. A sign from the heavens.

up here in my head
a million little beavers
are building their dams

( It's history, folks, for onc, LJ isn't responsible for karking my post. MY COMPUTER IS, THE SAUCY BITCH. )

TODAY IS ARSENIC JADE'S BIRTHDAY, AND THIS IS MOMENTOUS, BECAUSE SHE IS THE SHIT.



That is arsenicjade. She actually has a head, but the internets is not allowed to see it. I love her because she gave me my husband, and because she is funny, and more caring than I could ever be, and smarter than me too, but she puts up with my bullshit. I love her even when her toe is gross. I love her frankenpiercings (I SAY THAT WITH LOVE), and I just in general think she's swell.

She was the flower girl in my wedding, and she rocked the house. She has managed to get out of sex with me...three? Four times? And that is no small feat.

BB, I wish you the best, and open the thing I sent you, and see HOW RELEVANT IT IS TO YOU RIGHT NOW. Tianyu, by the way, would be so proud of you.

You know he also would have something to say about your rack. I agree with ghostianyu: Heh. Boobs.

( I'm doing a thing. )

Fannish post of EPIC PROPORTIONS AS I IGNORE THE OPEN SNARRY:

1. I can't adequately express how I feel about angstslashhope's post-CoE fic, Not with a bang or a whimper. No really. I can't. not with out giving things away. Her summary is Five places Ianto's story went next. And they are ALL AWESOME. I like the second one the best.

2. ( I has the WIPs, and I need to talk about them. And post bits of them, Because I need to show off. Because I am blocked. )

3. ( Lastly, you know you have finally found the right fandom when you get dressed and think, 'If I wear my normal clothes to Hub 3, they're just going to think I'm trying to cosplay.' )

( Today's update is sponsored by Jiffy Lube. )

JOHN BARROWMAN: THREE PARTS SEX. TWO PARTS AWESOME.

This is a fannish post. I thought about writing non-fannish things, and I find that I cannot be funny about them. BUT IF YOU'RE REALLY HERE FOR MY MUNDANE LIFE, HAVE A SLICE:

1. LAUNDRY, DISHES, DEAR GOD THE FLOOR IS COVERED WITH A BLANKET OF CAT HAIR THAT RESEMBLES THE THICKNESS OF PINE NETTLES UNDER A TREE. I BET IF I VACUUMED, I'D FIND FUCKING NARNIA.

2. I HAVE CRAMPS.

3. I redid my userinfo/profile page into post-its. I think it's better.

( The rest of this is fannish, so Real Peeps, you may stop reading now. )

EXIT STAGE LEFT AND SHIT.

Back when they were planning their trip to Wales, C and N asked what they should do in London. I don't know how it came up, but someone mentioned writing RPF about their adventures. It might have been me. But I REFUSE TO TAKE CREDIT. I did say that I adored the idea. I even sketched it out as a joke. Now that I have a medium to accompany my ferret-like attention span, I decided to actually make good on that threat idea.

Yeah, a few things to keep in mind here:

1. Post-its are small.
2. I am a shitty artist.
3. I have no idea what N. looks like, so he's generic stick figure dude. Sorry N.
4. I am schmoopy.

( TORCHWOOD (fen) RPF PRESENTS: 'Wot's Going On In Germany?' )

And now, the post its are on holiday for a while. Snarry Games and all.

Love you Torchwood fen, and see you on the flip side.

EDIT: Unlocked, with permission from N/C. They need a portmanteau name. THAT IS THE PRICE OF BEING SHIPPED. Nicoline? Hahahaha they sound like a smoking cessation aid.

I had to do something last night. I wrote part of a fic and sent it out to be betaed. I stared at the ceiling. I loaded the dishwasher. I ate my own head. I almost set The Hub of Torchwood 5 on fire. I ORDERED TWNZ AN E-Z BAKE OVEN.

And yet.

My fingers itched for the post-its.

( Oh post-its, why can't I quit you? )

I ♥ Jack. I do! I really do!

APPROPRIATE ICON IS APPROPRIATE.

I DON'T KNOW. HRM. WHAT DO SANE PEOPLE TALK ABOUT.

Let's see.

No no wait-- this is kind of normal related—Saturday rolls around and I was feeling sad. Obvs.

ME: I'm sad.
Amand-r's body: SHARK WEEK!
ME: Shitbears!

For reals, yo.

I NEED COFFEE. LIKE, MOAR OF IT.

Later this week, I go to the circus. Take the stun gun, Y/Y?

1. Holy SHITBEARS! Comment overload! If I haven't gotten back to you, I TOTES WILL.

2. MOMMY NEEDS COFFEE.

3. I'M WRITING TORCHWOOD FIC TODAY.

4. Have already read a beautiful Ten/Jack over on dwliterotica.

5. SOMEONE TALK TO ME. ABOUT ANYTHING. WAIT!

Foxy: fireplace and the paternity test LOLOR5
Amand-r: dude. LOLOR5.
Foxy: DNA
Amand-r: PREGNANT.
Foxy: hahaha
Amand-r: IANTO JONES. Did someone make this yesterday?
Foxy: no, it's old
Amand-r: that was funny as shit.
Foxy: INORITE
Amand-r: DNA: IANTO JONES. LOLOR5.

Note: if this is ur vid: AWESOME.

I did it. It was easy, like lying back and thinking of Torchwood. In my pants.

FIRST, BEFORE I FORGET, AND FOR THE LAST TIME: SHITBEARS!

( I did it, in post-its. SPOILERS FOR EVERYTHING. )

I don't know if I'm going to watch it. I have been spoiled.

( If you're here for the funny, just don't click. )

I think I'll watch it while drawing post-its.

Hey, sad emo pandas! Jack and Ianto have a confession to make.

( Spoilers for CoE 1-4 )